The Echoes of an Internet Recluse

As I’m sure you’ve understood from Nick’s most recent post, we and Kansas seem to have a mutual hatred.  But just in case he wasn’t clear, or something: I hate Kansas.  Nick hates Kansas.  Kansas hates us, and seemed to try with all its effort to make us leave; all the while, making our departure as painful and miserable as possible.

I would have slept slightly better than Nick, had it not been for the fact that Nick couldn’t sleep.  His comings and goings woke me up all throughout the night, as did the sounds from the highway and train tracks conveniently located about 5 feet from our tent.  There was one noise that I enjoyed, however: in the tree just above our tent, there was a pair of owls.  They seemed happy, and were having quite a conversation throughout the night.  I was tempted to climb out of the tent to try to see the owls, but, yeah…effort, energy… it didn’t happen.

I eventually woke up and decided it was late enough I was ready to get moving.  Might’ve been 7 or so, I can’t remember.  I got up to shower, then started packing up what I could while Nick finished sleeping.  I finally woke him up so we could pack up the tent and leave.  The campground office had a microwave, so we made ourselves oatmeal and tried to eat quickly while the odd, somewhat annoying old woman working tried to talk to us.  She was much too loud for us, so as rude as it may seem, we didn’t really try to fake interest in what she was saying- something about her cousin/husband/nephew/uncle/brother’s birthday.

It must’ve taken us a lot longer to get on the road that we had thought.  We wanted to head back to Tulsa to go to a Wildlife Animal Sanctuary we’d seen mentioned on the way West (only open on Weekends, 12-5).  We figured we were 4-5 hours from Tulsa, so could easily make it there by 2.  The GPS said we’d be there around 4:00.

The drive to Tulsa also sucked.  There were toll roads, and the GPS didn’t give fully accurate directions, causing us to stay on the toll road for another 10 miles til the next exit, which ultimately added an extra 20 minutes to our drive time.

We also had to stop at some insane thing we saw.  Along the fence around some field, there was a bunch of …things.  The creepy old man who saw us and drove by called it “his art.”  I guess it could be described as such?  Somebody had taken various pieces of metal and garbage and put it together to create sculptors, of sorts.  They were all labelled, mostly with people’s names.  One, a woman-like figure made with a Swastika, was labelled “Hillary.”  There was a Frog Man, a Kennedy, and many many others.  There was also a spinning contraption made from what I assumed to be stolen stop signs and construction notices.

I had hoped to see a “Leaving Kansas” sign so we could take a picture of us with it, doing something to indicate how insanely pleased we were to be leaving Kansas.  But no such luck.  Much like when we entered Kansas, there was nothing to inform us of the state line.  I think it’s a trap.  They don’t have signs to say where Kansas starts, because then how could they trick people into entering the state?  And by taking down the “leaving” sign and bordering states’ signs, they hinder those poor, unfortunate people’s escape.  With no sign to set your sights on, it makes it that much harder to speed away.

Anyway, yeah…

We finally made it to Safari’s.  It seemed to be at the end of some subdivision-like thing.  I was very concerned that we had a wrong address, and were going to end up at somebody’s house.  But, finally, we saw a sign and headed in.  It was about 4:30 by this point.  After what seemed like 15 minutes of trying to pay our admission (a very large, sweaty man had difficulty using a credit card machine), we headed out to see some animals.

Nick’s opinion may differ from mine, but I was incredibly disappointed with the so-called “Sanctuary.”  Granted, it was insanely hot and humid, so the animals could have seemed slightly more miserable than normal (but, if that weather is normal for that area, which I was led to believe was the case, that isn’t the best place to keep the animals).  All of the big cats were hiding out in the shade, and one tiger was immersing itself in a tub of water.  Yes, it was awesome getting to see these animals up-close.  There was basically a giant fence, three feet, then another fence, between us and the animals.  But the “habitats” were pretty crappy.  Enough room to move around, but not as much room as I’d expect an animal like that to be happy with.

And you know all the signs at the zoo, that ask you to not feed the animals?  They say something about being on a specific diet, and giving them food outside of said diet could be unhealthy?  Yeah, the same fat man who sold us our admission also sold us some Cheez-Its and gummi fruit snacks.  To feed to the animals.  When I read on the website that we’d get to feed the animals, I was expecting some kind of food pellet.  I got to feed the giraffes at the CIncinnati Zoo once, and it looked like they bought a giant bag of Giraffe Kibble to pass out.  Not freaking Cheez-Its.  We saw an extremely obese white raccoon (albino? I thought albino animals had red eyes, and this one had normal eyes, so I don’t know).  Several obese goats and miniature ponies.  A grizzly bear that looked like it was going to collapse the picnic table it was sprawled out on.  Most of the cages had a tube set up where you’d drop the treat in, and it would roll down to a waiting animal.  We played with one monkey for a while who would stick his mouth at his end of the tube and chatter at us.  It was insanely cute.  Also cute was when the same monkey waited at the end of the tube with his mouth open, so the treat fell right into his mouth.  And when he grabbed a cracker, broke it in half, ate one and tossed the other, then chattered for a (presumably) more tasty treat.

Nearby was a Fennec Fox, one of my (admittadly many) weaknesses.  I adore those little guys, with those giant ears and adorable little noses… I was able to ignore the sweat streaming down my entire body and the multitude of flies waiting for me to collapse so they could feast on my flesh, as well as the overpowering smell of animal excrement and mud, to squeak at the sight of the sleeping fox.  The fox noticed our presence, stood up, and started talking to us.  It had this cute little yip.  Not like an annoying little-dog yip, but a cute one.  I really, really wanted to pick up the little guy and kiss his nose.  Then smuggle him away to a better place, like a well-run zoo, or, you know, my apartment.  As Nick informed me, I would have to pick between him and the fox, since the Fennec Fox is a desert animal, and Nick likes the AC set to a cozy 65 degrees.

I also enjoyed petting a kangaroo, who was very friendly.  After giving it a couple treats, he was very content to just sit near the fence and have me scratch the top of his head.  Also, a pen full of bunnies that all came and tried to squeeze through the fencing when we came close.

While I’m sure most, if not all, of these animals acted friendly because they were expecting treats, many of them did seem to enjoy being pet.  Or they could be good actors.  The kangaroo and the bunnies seemed very cuddly.  And I’m sure the one monkey and my fox would have enjoyed cuddling and/or playing (and/or mauling).

We managed to make it through what we thought was the entire …place (I can’t call it a sanctuary, or a zoo, or anything like that.  And I got tired of putting quotes around sanctuary to show my displeasure at the word).  It was hard to navigate, what with a lack of signs or a way to tell if we were allowed to be in any given area (lots of open fences with unlocked locks leading to various places that had broken down cars or a shack or something).  We chatted with the owner for a bit, discussing the heat/humidity, our vacation & various destinations, and the remainder of our plans.  While I wanted to get back to the car for water and AC, the workers wanted to keep talking for a very very long time.  Finally, we were able to break free, and headed out.

I started off driving, which turned out to be a bad idea.  Due to the extreme heat and the lack of food (I had only eaten a bag of Doritos that had not been sitting well the entire day), the first 5 minutes of the drive consisted of Nick asking me if I was going to pass out.

We were on some side road surrounded by tall grass or some crop, when I pulled over.  Nick thought I was giving up on driving, but that was not why I had stopped.  On the other side of the road, I saw a black dog trotting along.  I saw a collar, so rolled down my window and called to her.  She came bounding over, tail wagging and tongue lolling.  She immediately stood on her hind legs to stick her head through my open window.  I tried to get a look at the tag on her collar, but she preferred to be pet.  After a car passed on my side, I got nervous and coaxed the dog to Nick’s side of the car, where he was able to read the phone number on the tag.  Unfortunately, the tag was just a rabies vaccination notice, and the number was for a vet’s office, that was closed for the day.  After that didn’t work, Nick had let go of the dog.  Another car approached (it was a very non-busy road, but had the occasional car), causing me to get extremely worried once again.  I called it to my side, and held on to the collar as the car passed.  She then decided that standing up next to the car was too much work, and proceeded to jump into my car throught the open window.  She was very, very muddy, and quite stinky (and so were we, at this point).  I found a rope in the car to keep the dog out of the road (and out of the car) while we tried to figure out what to do.  Nick made numerous phone calls while I sat outside with the dog.  She was extremely friendly and affectionate, and also very well behaved (other than jumping into my car, she didn’t jump, didn’t bark, didn’t do anything bad).  Several vehicles passed us, and many asked if we needed help.  I informed everyone that we had found a dog, and were trying to locate the owners.  One man complimented us, saying he’s been on the other end and appreciated somebody returning his dog.  Another, more negative man, commented that many people drop their unwanted pets off along that road, and we shouldn’t bother.

After finding out that Oklahoma wasn’t all that much better than Kansas in the suck-factor, we tried to figure out what the hell to do next.  The local SPCA was closed, the police told us to call animal control, animal control refused to come to us because we happened to be in a spot just outside of both cities’ boundaries.  We even called the Safari’s place, hoping that, hey- animal people, they’d help out a dog for a day until the SPCA opened.  But no, they told us we should leave water and she’d be ok.

After some discussion on what to do next (during which I’m sure Nick never once implied we just leave the poor dog and drive away.  He’d never suggest that, because he’s a good person and all, and a good person wouldn’t abandon a dog in the middle of nowhere on a road surrounded by tall grass, where even a careful driver could possibly not stop in time.  That would be wrong).

Finally, an SUV pulled up next to us and asked if we were OK.  I told him the story, and he asked what the dog looked like.  I described her as a black, medium-sized, very friendly dog, and he shouted out “Maggie?!”  He pulled around bhind my car, got out to look at the dog, and said, “oh, wow, she does look like Maggie.”  There were enough differences, I guess, that he could tell she was not their dog (who was not actually lost, but had once before gotten out of their yard).  During this interaction, the rope I had tied to the collar had come undone, and the dog set off for the man’s SUV.  I tried to catch her, but she hopped right in his open door before I could do anything.  She curled up on the floor, and just looked at us.  The man’s wife commented on how cute she was, and their teenaged son hopped out of the backseat to pet the dog.  The man asked his wife if she thought the stray and Maggie would get along, and she replied that they could keep her while trying to find the owners.  I was just able to restrain myself from hugging this wonderful family.  I was very muddy and sweaty, and didn’t think they’d appreciate it much.  They opened the back of their SUV and we helped the dog climb in, where she curled up among some old towels and blankets, and seemed right at home.  They man assured me he’d give her some food and water, and call around when places opened up.

I told Nick it was his turn to drive, and then collapsed into the passenger’s seat.  The incredible heat combined with my hunger, thirst, and the emotions from trying to help the dog, had all pretty much overwhelmed me at this point.  We tried to find a gas station so I could get something to eat and drink, as well as use the bathroom.  The first gas station had a sign that said “No public restroom.”  I asked the woman working if I could please use it, I would buy something after, I just needed to clean up.  She didn’t speak English, but managed to convey that their bathroom wasn’t very nice.  I took that to mean I could use it, anyway, but not to expect much.  After trying in vain to find a light switch, I heard a noise that I couldn’t quite label.  Taking another step into the dim, grungy bathroom, the volume of said noise increased.  I slowly back away.  The only connection that I could make in my mind was rattlesnake.  I don’t know if I’ve ever actually heard a rattlesnake before, at the zoo or on TV or whatever, but that’s what my brain was shouting to the other parts of my brain.  I decided I’d hold off on a bathroom break for the time being.  I couldn’t find anything remotely appetizing to eat, so just grabbed a drink to tide me over.  I set the drink down, then pulled out my credit card.  The woman muttered something that sounded like she was trying to ask “is the card good?” I took out my ID to show with the card.  She just stood there, looking down at my credit card for a good minute, not saying anything or moving at all.  Finally, after Nick asked what was wrong, the woman looked at the drink I was trying to buy, and said something that sounded like “cash.”  I pushed my card closer to her, and she mumbled something that I think indicated she didn’t want us to use a card to buy something so small.  I can’t remember, now, due to the intense rush of anger washing over me at this point.  There were no signs saying anything about credit card use, and if there had been a minimum charge, I would have gladly bought another drink or something.  But no, the woman just stood there in silence, looking down.  I somehow had enough restraint to not throw things at the woman as I stormed out of the store.  I did not, however, have the restraint to stop myself from puking in her parking lot.  Oops.

We finally found a gas station with bathrooms and speaking employees.  I was feeling much less dead than previously, so we headed to our next destination.  There is a newly built Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Tulsa, that we didn’t stop at last time.  We went in to buy some souvieners.  Sadly, there was no Cafe at this location, just some other place that didn’t have a food selection for me, so we didn’t stay to eat.  We did, however, take a few minutes to blow another $20 at this casino.

We then headed on our way to the next destination: somewhere in Arkansas.  Originally, we had planned to stop somewhere just on the border, but then decided to try Little Rock, as that would cut some time from driving the next day (when we had to get home- about 10-12 hrs that had to be done in time for Nick to get enough sleep to work at 7AM on Monday.)

Somehow, we got lost again.  I took the wrong exit, and we ended up on another highway that claimed to be toll road.  Being a toll road, there was no place for me to make an illegal U-turn to get to the other side of the highway.  I saw a sign that said the toll booth was in 2 miles, and the next exit in 1 mile, so I thought we were in luck.  Of course not!  Don’t be silly.  There was a pay station at the exit.  This pay station required exact change, in coins.  Of which we had none.  Nick had $1 in cash, and I had several pennies, but that was useless for the toll.  There was no attendant at the exit, so there was nobody we could either ask for help or change.  Really not knowing what to do, and getting a bit fed up with toll roads and things just generally going wrong, we decided to go ahead and drive away.  There was no bar or anything preventing us from passing, just a red light and a sign that said “wait for green.”  There may or may not have been a camera.  I don’t know.  Half-expecting a squadron of police cars to come swooping down on us, I took the exit and got back on course.  Actually, maybe a cop would’ve been a good thing, because I’m slightly concerned my parents are going to get a ticket accompanyied by a picture of me breaking the law… maybe I could’ve explain the dilemna to the cops?  Oh, well, we’ll see what happens!

Managing to get a decent price on a nice hotel in Little Rock, we stopped at a Pizza Hut along the way to eat. This stop, along with the logner distance, caused us to arrive at our hotel at apx 1AM.  Which kinda sucked, but oh well.  The hotel was nice, with a super comfortable bed.  We set an alarm to make sure we could wake up before we had to check out at 11 the next day, then pretty much passed out.  Yay sleep.

After packing up the tent and our gear, we headed down to get breakfast from the food place that the KOA site had, pancakes (1 peanut butter, 2 choc chip for me - very confusing tasting; 3 walnut pancakes for Krista), and then got on the road. Today was primarily a travel day, since we were in Durango and knew that we wanted to end up in Tulsa, OK again sometime on Saturday. This took us across the southern part of Colorado and into the southeast of Kansas.

While in Colorado and looking for someplace to stop and do something, we stumbled upon something called “Zapata Falls”, which Google quickly confirmed was, in fact, a waterfall. We decided to take a detour there, because waterfalls are cool. On the way, we finally found a Taco Bell for lunch, which I’d been craving for the past two days. (Naturally, the chili cheese burritos I’d been craving weren’t offered at this location for some reason.)

Afterwards, we headed over to the falls. To get to them was not exactly an easy process. First, you had to drive up an extremely unpaved road for 3 miles, entirely uphill. (Time: 20+ minutes, average speed 15 mph) Next, you have to hike half a mile from the top of the gravel road, to the foot of a river, also entirely uphill.

After that, you have to walk in/through a river, containing water cold enough to easily give your feet hypothermia. (If you prefer not to freeze your toes off, there are enough large rocks and handholds on the side of the river to mostly let you walk/climb from rock to rock. But it’ll take you 3x longer than just braving the water and walking straight through it.) Finally, you have to literally rock climb around the edge of rushing water in order to get to a small pool where the main 30′ waterfall is crashing down. Naturally… it’s all entirely worth it. The falls and the cave-like area surrounding the entrance are amazingly beautiful.

One thing to note: There is a section of cliff-side that is climbable (with care) but is blocked off by a rope. There is a reason for that. Don’t be dumb (like us). While there is a gorgeous view of the mountainside at the top, attempting to scale your way back down is practically begging for a broken foot or ankle (or worse). I would likely not repeat that again.

After leaving Zapata Falls, we continued along our route towards Garden City, KS. For a while this drive included such scenary as “mountains” and “deserts” and “things other than flat farmlands”. When those disappeared and were replaced with “flat farmlands”, you will know that you have entered east Colorado (henceforth known as “Kansas Lite”). Kansas and Kansas Lite, for those who don’t know, are quite possibly the most boring and useless parts of our country ever. Instead of doing nuclear testing in the middle of the desert, we should have simply evacuated the Kansases and tested our bombs there. At least then there would be something vaguely interesting to look at as you drove past.

Krista managed to sleep through the majority of this area, but while she was asleep, I did notice two somewhat interesting things (shortly before entering Kansas Lite). The first was a number of ranches with signs stating “Not for Sale to the Army”, which according to Google apparently is a reference to… people who think the government is evil and is “waging a war on farmers”. The second was some sort of animal that looked like a cross between a deer and an Alpaca. (Essentially, a deer with two curved, non-branching antlers.)

Eventually, we arrived in Kansas itself. Kansas is useless. Kansas is stupid. Kansas is filled with morons who don’t know how to drive, is filled with factory farms (we passed one field where there were easily 1000 cows penned together with approximately twice the size of their bodies to move around, if they were lucky), is insanely too hot, and is infested with bugs of a plague-like proportion. Kansas, in short, is why it is 2 AM and I’m writing a blog post instead of sleeping. I hate you, Kansas.

With what seems to be a regular event for me, I woke up at apx 4am, looked at my phone, muttered an expletive, and attempted to go back to sleep.  Sleep was made difficult the past night due to our attempt at sharing a twin-sized air mattress in a tent.  One of Nick’s oh-so-very-few flaws is that he’s very bad at sharing, at least when it comes to sleep-related items.  I ended up half on the air mattress, at best, throughout the night.  After failing to fall back asleep, I tried to make Nick wake up, too.  I failed at that attempt, as well, then decided to clean up and read until Nick was ready.

Since we got about halfway through the Canyon trail the night before, until we stopped after the sunset, we decided to go out and see more of the Canyon.  At one spot, we found a nice ledge to climb out on.  We hesitated at first, due to being tired, but eventually I decided that I’d go out “just a little bit.”  Then I decided to go out a little further.  This continued til I made it about as far as I could go.  During this time, I was trying to convince Nick he didn’t need shoes nor energy to follow me.  He eventually agreed, and climbed sans sandals down to the ledge, where we sat for a bit looking over the Canyon.  It’s much more enjoyable, at least in my opinion, when closer to the Canyon (and many would claim potential death) and further from loud children and other annoying people.

After an hour or so of Canyon viewing, we headed back on the road.  We decided to head towards somewhere in Southern Colorado, with a stop at the Four Corners Monument.  We drove North-East-ish for a while, then stopped for lunch in Kayenta, AZ, in the Navajo Nation.  We found a rather hole-in-the-wall pizza joint (next to, of course, a Subway).  We each got a calzone, which turned out to be the best calzones we’ve ever eaten.  It had a much thinner crust than what we’re used to, as well as being prepared with pizza sauce inside.  The top had been brushed with a garlic butter and parmesan topping, all put together for a delicious, albeit unhealthy, combination.  I was very pleasantly surprised, after noting the sticky tables and multitude of flies.

After stuffing ourselves, and begrudgingly throwing out the last uneaten piece of our calzones (along with being tasty, they were rather large), we continued on to the Four Corners (which, Nick now knows, is not in Wyoming).  To our dismay, the Monument was closed.  We took some pictures as best as we could, as well as stopping to pose alongside the “Welcome to Colorado” sign.

We weren’t quite sure where to stop next.  We figured somewhere in Colorado, but hadn’t planned more than that.  Any of the cities we knew of and wanted to see were too far north for us to make.  I liked the sound of Pagosa Springs, so we pulled off at a travel center to get online and map out our route (Nick’s phone did not want to cooperate, and refused to get a data signal to look at maps or Priceline).  We looked for a hotel in Pagosa Springs, especially after learning the “Springs” part meant “hot springs,” and there was at least one fancy resort there.  Priceline didn’t accept our offer (and we even went above our original $50-limit!), so we tried various nearby cities. Southern Colorado does not like to cooperate with Priceline, and we were ultimately unable to book a hotel.  We were also unable to contact some relative of Nick’s who happens to live in Durango, who might have enjoyed our company for the night.

We found a fancy KOA campground in Durango, instead.  This campground is quite possibly fancier than a number of the hotels I’ve stayed in. And, happily, we stopped early enough that we were able to fully set up camp with actual daylight!  The campground also had a laundromat, so we now have a fresh batch of clothes to finish our trip.

In the morning, we departed from Vegas in what I assume is likely the normal style - by gambling more. Since we’d lost less than expected, I decided we should take another $20 (dropping us to a net loss of $50 overall out of a possible $100) to gamble before we left. As expected, we lost it - $10 each at penny slots did not last very long, but it did last just long enough for two servers (strippers) to bring us each a coffee and bottle of water.

After this, we headed out and started our trek back eastward, marking our official “point of return”. The day’s destination: The Grand Canyon. Along the way, we stopped at the Hoover Dam to look at in the daytime. Krista liked it. I thought it was boring. Possibly because we didn’t do the tour or anything (just stopped on the side of the road and looked at what I think was the lake or whatever at the bottom of the dam, but because of how far away it was, it was hard to tell exactly what we were looking at). Krista liked the fact that so far on our trip, we’ve seen a handful of windmill farms, a hydroelectric dam, solar panels, and geothermal generators.

After leaving the Dam, we basically drove straight on in to the Grand Canyon, only stopping for restroom breaks, primarily because we were unsure of whether or not campsites would still be available. Luckily, (despite what the ranger at the information center speculated), they did still have tent sites available. While registering our campsite, we noticed a sign on the back wall - it had been a whole 4 days since the last death at the Canyon. (That made me feel nice and safe.)

We set up the tent and then headed out to go start sightseeing, although we were concerned when we found out that the Canyon has a north and south rim, and they were separated by over 200 miles of roads. Luckily, the side we were on had plenty of “drive and stop” places to look at it, similar to how we did the Painted Desert/Petrified Forest.

We started by heading all the way east along the road on the south rim, stopping once to look at a hugemongous moose/elk/fuzzy-antlered-quadruped, and then continuing on to the last pull-off within the park to see the Canyon. The first pull-off was the Desert View lookout and watchtower. The tower was made in 1930 to look like an Indian tower, but wasn’t an actual recreation or anything of the sort. Going to the top, you could see slightly further down into the Canyon than you could just standing at the edge of the railing they had set up.

Of course, that’s only if you stay behind the railing. Which, of course, everyone did. Riiight.

Not to be outdone by a bunch of people we could see standing out near the edge that was past the guardrail (certain death), Krista and I headed out to go get a look at what a 1 mile cliff looks like, up close and personal. After about a 20-30 minute hike/climb, equipped with… cameras, water, and our own stupidity, we made it down to the end of a bunch of rocks balancing on a few other rocks. We stayed there, enjoying the view, and after 5-10 minutes and bantering with a few other idiots intrepid hikers like as ourself on such subjects as “car keys as a form of life insurance” and “the importance of dragging down the jerk who pushed you off a cliff”, we decided to make the hike back up. Krista found the hike back more difficult due to going all the way back up at once (as opposed to simply descending from plateau to plateau and resting in between) but less frightening due to already having the knowledge that we could actually survive. I was the opposite, finding the climb itself easier (ascending a hill that involved hiking/very mild climbing always seems easier to me) but significantly scarier, due to at one point feeling a stone slide out from underneath my foot… and not hearing it stop bouncing off of the side and into the canyon for a full 5-10 seconds later. (Also some jerk wouldn’t slow down for me, so for half of the hike, I was by myself with nobody nearby to futilely attempt to save me, should my clumsiness rear its head and throw me off the side of the cliff.)

After our hour or so hike (dance with death), we decided to move on to a few other pull-offs and look at most of the sights with a little less danger. However, as sunset grew near, we both decided to find a nice and comfy* spot a little ways away from the rest of the crowds. Krista also remembered that we still had a bottle of champagne chilling in our cooler, so we hiked down to another dangerous but somewhat secluded spot with a bottle of champagne and plastic cups, and settled in to watch the sunset. (Of note: Krista is not to be trusted when opening champagne. She managed to soak basically her entire leg after popping the cork.)

After sunset, we moved on to one or two more overlooks, but someone with a weak bladder decided that it was far too uncouth to simply pee in the woods, so we headed back to the campsite (and its restrooms). Back at camp, we attempted to do such difficult tasks as “boil water” and “start a campfire”. We failed miserably, but shortly thereafter, we thought we heard a bat, turned off our lights and looked in the trees.

Or, at least, we were going to. Except that trees are above you. If you’ve never been out west or anyplace else with no cities nearby, guess what else is above you? Stars. Millions, billions of stars. All those pictures of the sky you see in pictures from the Hubble Telescope? They’re just sitting there in the air over your head. I could actually see what appeared to be an arm of our galaxy, a literal cloud of stars insanely far away. It was absolutely breathtaking.

After a good 15-30 minutes of staring awestruck into the starry night sky, we retired to bed for the night.

Coming up: I just finished writing this Friday (Day 7) morning, so you can just read what we did when Krista’s blog post from yesterday gets posted sometime this evening.

* or as comfy as sitting on rocks and pine needles and who knows what else can be.

Started off our morning with free breakfast at our hotel (waffles, yum!).  I find it odd that the cheapest hotel we’ve stayed at in a while is the only one that offers free breakfast.  I guess as a hotel owner, you have to choose between giving away food and, you know, cleaning.

Our plan, as Nick had mentioned, was to get to the Grand Canyon.  I had looked up camping information, because we’ve spent way too many nights in hotels during what was supposed to be a predominately camping vacation.  But hotels mean we don’t need daylight to get things set up, so we have ended up going for longer driving times instead of camping.  Campsites at the Canyon seemed to be mostly first-come, first-serve, so we’d need to stake a site in person fairly early.  On that note, we hit the road, following I-40 W once again.

Somehow, the day or night before, we both ended up with an insane number of rather large and itchy mosquito bites (something to note here:  the bite count after camping?  One, just on me.  After being in Alburqueque?  About 10 each.)  So after eating breakfast, we routed towards the nearest Walgreens to get something to help assauge the itch.  That Walgreens didn’t seem to exist where the GPS said it would, but we found a CVS down the road.  While searching, we passed a sign for the Petroglyph National Momument, and decided to check it out while we were there.  Neither of us quite knew what a petroglyph was, exactly, although I was willing to make a guess.  My guess was correct (that’s because I’m so smart, you see).  For those of you like Nick, who couldn’t figure it out, a petroglyph is basically the symbols drawn on rocks by Natives a long time ago.  (If you’re that interested, go look it up, they’re fairly cool, but I don’t really feel like giving a history lesson).  The man inside the visitor center informed us that there were no petroglyphs at the Petroglyph National Monument.  We’d have to drive a couple miles away and walk along the trails to see them.  After discussing going, I voiced a concern with getting to the Grand Canyon in time to get a campsite, so we decided to skip.

On our way, for real this time, we headed towards Arizona.  Fortunately, neither of us had gotten much sun on the trip, so we were not too concerned with being kicked out.  (We amused ourselves with many jokes at Arizona’s expense during the drive).  We finally got to what looked like the desert, so Nick was happy.

While Nick was sleeping, I saw a sign stating our distance from the Petrified Forest & Painted Desert, and decided we needed to stop there.  After Nick woke up, and I mentioned it, he also decided we needed to stop.

Really, it’s hard to find words to describe everything we saw there.  ”Pretty” just doesn’t seem to cut it, although I remember uttering that word on many, many occasions, along with words like “wow” and “holy crap.” We each took a multitude of pictures, but even those don’t do it justice.

Yeah, really, I can’t describe it.  Maybe I suck with words, but I’ve tried starting this paragraph three times now, and haven’t been happy with it.  So, basically, what I’m saying, is go there yourself.  Do it.  Right now.

Instead of describing the Desert and Forest itself, I’ll go on to some easier things.  For one, we were both amused at how vehemetly they warned against taking any petrified wood.  And impressed at how people seemed to take the warning seriously- there were so many pieces right of the trail that made our fingers itch, but we resisted.  We stopped at every pull-off along the trail, to take pictures and look down into the desert.

At one part of the trail, there was a path down into the desert, called Blue Mesa (this caused me to have the song “Still Alive” stuck in my head for the remainder of the visit).  Walking down there was a very different experience than looking down from above.  Beautiful in a different way- you didn’t get the panoramic view, but being literally surrounded by the colorfully striated formations and walking through the badlands- it’s something I’m so glad I got to experience.  While the trail, sadly, tired us out (hooray for being in shape!…or something), it was well worth it.

At another stopping point, the main attraction was a giant crow, just hanging out on the sign.  We stopped, unsure of whether the crow was real or a fake hiding a camera.  Yeah, it was definitely real.  I was worried about the bird, it sat there watching everybody (literally two feet away from me), with its mouth wide open and feathers askew.  I thought it might be hurt, and suggested helping it in some way.  After Nick convinced me to leave it be, a group of guys came up.  The crow must’ve liked me better, because it hopped away when they got too close.  (For those of you who, like me, worry for this bird’s well-being, it seems like all the crows in the park like to hang out with open mouths, and after he moved, I saw the ruffled feathers was just from a windy perch- after hopping down, he looked much better).

In the Jasper Forest (where we had to stop because Jasper never told us that he had his own forest), we came across another group of people looking at the forest below.  While reading the placard, one woman noted that in the past, people would plunder the petrified wood to sell as souveniers or to grind down into abrasive material. A man we could only describe as a fine, upstanding Republican citizen commented, “It’s interesting that they could find a use for that stuff.” I later heard him make some sort of snide comment about hippies and national parks. We then decided to move to a different area before I was tempted to shove a piece of petrified wood down his throat. I couldn’t decide if the park would punish me with a large fine for stealing some petrified wood, or reward me for punishing a moron. Didn’t want to take any chances.

Also, Nick would yell at me if I didn’t mention one of his favorite parts:  the rain.  During the drive through the Desert, we saw what looked like rain in the distance.  We agreed that it couldn’t be rain, because, you know:  desert.  About two minutes later, we both got rained on in the desert.  The rain looks cool out there, with the wide open sky and long-distance viewing- you see bring blue sky with a dollop of cloud, then look slightly to one side and can see the rain falling.

Since the trail was taking a decent chunk of time, and neither of us wanted to rush or skip anything, we started discussing what we wanted to do.  We decided to ignore the previous plans we had made (that’s what we get for starting to plan on our no-planning vacation!)

After the Painted Desert, we continued on, having decided to skip the Grand Canyon and head straight for Las Vegas.  We remembered to book a hotel early, and stopped at a gas station/A&W to plug in my laptop. Priceline’s website sucked horrendously this time, and we had to refresh and resubmit multiple times when either the website or the internet connection decided to be mean.  Eventually, after what felt like 3 hours later, we booked ourselves a room at the Rio Hotel in Vegas.  We got a room at this 4-star hotel for the bank-breaking price of $40.

Getting to Vegas required us driving through a mountain road, of which half was closed for construction. The speed limit on this highway randomly fluctuated between 65 and 5mph.  Yes, 5mph.  On a freaking highway. That’s wrong.  After making it through the construction, we came upon the Hoover Dam.  Sadly, it was well past nightfall at this time, so it was hard to see or appreciate much.  We stopped a couple times to try to look, but eventually gave up and drove on to Vegas.

At this point, I would like to note: Vegas has lots of lights.

We found our hotel easily, which surprisingly had a self-park lot right next to it.  Hooray for being cheap! We checked in, found our rooms, then showered and changed into our fancy clothes.  We set a limit of $50 each to gamble with, and headed down into the hotel’s casino.

Neither of us has ever gambled before, short of maybe buying a lottery ticket or making the occasional bet against each other for a massage.  We didn’t really know what we were doing.  I think I was expecting something like Chuck-E-Cheese, where you buy tokens, and if you win, you get either more tokens or a redemption ticket or something.  Because of that, we made the decision that whatever we won, we’d set aside half to keep playing with, and save the other half (so we wouldn’t walk away with less than -$50, but could end up betting over $50).  Yeah, casinos aren’t really like Chuck-E-Cheese at all.  We spoke to the cashier who, after finally realizing we were both casino-stupid, told us how to play a slot machine.  We then stopped at an ATM to get our cash, the headed towards the penny slots.  We played for several hours, betting anywhere between the maximum bet of $2.00 and $.01.  I won the most, at first, with my biggest win of just over $30.  After a while, Nick stole my luck, and ended up winning just under $90 in one turn. Around that point, had we both stopped playing, we would have been ahead by about $30.

Another thing to note: Casinos = Free Alcohol. Throughout the night while playing, we had a server (read: half naked woman) coming around and consistently giving us whatever drinks we could think of that we’d want. Apparently, the shift change custom for servers at our hotel is to get on a stage and “dance” to a a song or two. Seeing that was… unexpected, to say the least, but by that time, we both had plenty to drink, so we just laughed and kept playing.

By the end of the night, we stopped with $70 (a net loss of $30) left between the two of us, and played well until around 2 AM (about 4 hours or so) before deciding to retire to our room.

So, I’ve decided to take a stab at this blog-writing thing for today.  Go me.

We started off the second day of our Westward Vacation by waking up fairly early.  I was up around 6:15 local time (7:15 back home).  Somewhat surprising, until Nick pointed out that we went to sleep approximately 3-4 hours earlier than usually, due to the inability to do much in the dark and our lack of flashlight (oops.  That’s been remedied for next time).

Nick wasn’t ready to get up yet, so I read for a bit, then got breakfast started.  Scrambled eggs and a sad attempt at hashbrowns.  Eggs were tasty enough, but the potatoes did not want to cook fully over a campfire.  But it was fun, which made things taste better somehow.  And I didn’t get frustrated like I normally would when my cooking ventures fail miserably.

After cleaning up camp, and attempting to better-organize my insanely packed car, we went to check out of the camp site (the old guy there lent us an extension cord).  I stopped to play with the cats in the office, while said old guy attempted to talk my ear off.

We continued on the highway we had taken the day before- I-70 W, and made it to Columbia, MO around 11:30, where we stopped for super-tasty Which Wich and some Starbucks.  We then picked our next destination:  Lake of the Ozarks.

We drove past most of the touristy-looking shops and boat tours, and were about to turn around to consider going out on the lake, when we saw a sign for helicopter tours.  We both looked at each other and immediately said “let’s do that!”  We got a 15-min or so tour of the Lake, Bagnell Dam, and Million Dollar Row (super-fancy houses on the lake).  A first for both of us, and while it seemed very short, it was worth it.  We both got some good pictures, as well as getting to try something new.

After that, we headed to the Lake of the Ozarks National Forest, where we drove around looking for a place to hike.  After ended up in what turned out to be a private group campground, the owners may or may not have kicked us out: “This is a private campground, but go ahead and finish taking your pictures.”  We drove around a bit more after that, stopping on occasion for more pictures. It started pouring the second we got back in the car to leave the park.

We attempted Geohashing in Springfield, but it ended up being inside somebody’s home, so we got close, then headed back on the highway.

It was getting a little late, so we decided to try to find a good deal on a hotel so we could drive longer- we would have to stop around 8 or so to have enough light to set up camp.  We ended up in a Marriott in Tulsa (really roughing it tonight!)

Sadly, though, I’m finding it near impossible to sleep, whereas last night I slept wonderfully.  Not thinking any silly thoughts like being in nature was more peaceful or anything (I could hear the highway more easily camping than in here).  Which was what led me to write the day’s entry, while Nick lays unconscious next to me.  Oh well, I plan on making him drive the first leg in the morning, maybe I’ll catch a nap in the car.

For anyone who may not be aware, Krista and I decided this year to do vacation a bit differently. Instead of doing what people normally do, and choosing a destination and going there, we decided to instead to… not plan. Our plans essentially consist of “go west”. The furthest west that either of us have remembered going was St. Louis for Krista and Chicago for me (trips before we can remember things don’t count, which for me excludes basically anything prior to last week).

To start, each day, we’re uploading all of our pictures to my Picasa account - you can see these here:  http://picasaweb.google.com/Nicholas.Laux/VacationOutWest2010 .  If either Krista or I get bored in the car, we may or may not caption them. If not, feel free to add your own captions of what you think we might be doing!

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Day One:

We got on the road around 11 AM (EST) and took I-71 South. Our first destination was St. Louis, Missouri. We arrived around 4:30 PM (CST). We drove around a little bit and then went to the Gateway Arch.

The entrance to go up to the top of the Arch was underground, so while we waited, we visited the “Westward Expansion Museum” containing… lots of stuff. Indians and Lewis & Clark. (It made a very strong impression, as you can tell.) Going to the top of the Arch required sitting in what essentially was a miniature ferris wheel cage that was approximately 5′ tall at the absolute highest point. After arriving at the top, we could see most of downtown St. Louis on one side, and the Mississippi River on the other. The top of the arch basically felt like walking through an airplane, with windows slightly smaller than airplane windows.

After that, we headed westward again on I-70, and eventually stopped at a campsite off the highway, where we attempted to (and eventually successfully did) set up camp.

Today was either going to be going Bowling or making a cake, but the person who I was planning on going bowling with was sick, so that’s on hold for now. Pictures will later be posted on Facebook, and the cake is delicious.

These posts are increasingly short. I apologize.

[Insert post about wine tasting here]

Points to mention:

• Snooty/crazy tasting lady
• Oddity of the dumping bowl